Q. Hi D! I am a married woman in my early 30ies. I am married to a great guy who cares for me a lot. The problem is – he is chronically overworked, stressed out and exhausted, so there is little or no energy left for us at the end of the day. His health condition is taking a toll on our relationship, and since he will not acknowledge this problem, I just have to step up and find a solution to this situation. I love him, and want this relationship to work. I will appreciate your wisdom in this matter. – Wife of a workaholic with chronic fatigue syndrome.
A. Hey there! You are speaking on behalf of so many stressed out wives out there, whose overstressed husbands are stressing them out bigtime! Thanks for sharing your predicament and allowing others to be enlightened as well.
In this day and age, stress is ubiquitous, given the hyper cyber pace of life and the fact we are never disconnected from anything – work, people, problems. The mental and emotional stress we undergo in our daily lives doesn’t wait too long to manifest in the physical dimension as aches, pains, stiffness, fatigue and soreness. More advanced manifestations are insomnia, migraines, blood pressure and depression.
Here is where I introduce the “home-spa” experience. It is a loving and joyful way of alleviating bodily aches & stress, while at the same time, you get to enjoy quality bonding time with your partner. Talk about killing two birds with one stone! As with most spa treatments today, my home-spa healing guide draws inspiration from Ayurveda, validated by modern research findings.
One ailment which is universal is LES – Low Energy Syndrome, which manifests in the body as stiffness and soreness, especially in the neck, shoulders & back region. This is amongst the most common of maladies of our modern sedentary “computer” culture, which leaves little scope for expressing pent-up energy. Left unchecked, it could lead to chronic back-pain, a compromised posture, digestion problems, and if I may add, even a strained relationship. All the husbands and live-ins out there – You run the risk of your partner walking out on you if you are chronically energy-drained to do anything else but collapse into bed at the end of the day! So, sit up and take note.
The remedial measures suggested here heal not only on the physical level, but emotionally as well. The idea is to induce holistic healing so that we nip the “stress” factor in the bud with loving care, before it blooms into something more serious.
Home-Spa Healing Measures to your rescue: Herbal Soak, Oleation, “Marma” Points Stimulation, Warm Ginger Compress, and a Warm Honey-Lemon-Mint tea.
Herbal Soak: Fill your bath-tub with warm water. Throw in a fistful of sea-salt crystals or Epsom salt, both of which do a good job in drawing out lactic acid from the muscles, relieving them of soreness. Add a few drops of clove oil to this (eucalyptus, tea-tree or ginger oil are alternatives, all of which have analgesic property). Burn some candles and light aroma lamps (with lavender essence) if you like, music would be good too, and just soak it up together for about 20-30 minutes!
Oleation: Next, wipe dry and ask your loved one to lie down on the stomach, with bare back. Turn off the air-conditioner. We are preparing for a “warm” oil treatment. The back is an important area as it carries the spine, which in turn supports our body. Releasing energy blocks here is conducive to overall sense of well-being.
Fill a small bowl with hot water. Place a bottle of herbal oil into this to warm the oil. (Sesame oil herbally medicated with camphor, cloves, eucalyptus or ginger is very effective here. Plain warm sesame oil would also do.)
When warm, gently pour the oil onto the lower back area (where there is a slight depression), and in gentle circular strokes, rub it all over the back up to the neck.
With your thumbs, press and move up along the spine till you reach the joint connecting neck to the head. When you reach here, press and release at the joint. Repeat a few times.
Marma Stimulation: Press on some “vital energy points” (called “marmas”) on the back. Marmas are sensitive energy points scattered all over our body. Stimulating these points releases blocked energy and revitalizes us almost instantly. (See diagram in the side-bar for marma points on the back, neck and head.)
Marma points are revitalized by rhythmic press and release action. (Make sure pressure applied is comfortable to the beneficiary).
Small circular movements applied by the thumb or fingers on these points are also helpful.
Warm Ginger Compress: If the back-pain is severe, here is something additional you could do. Ginger is one of the best natural analgesics.
In a sauce-pan, heat some water. Add about 10mg or 10 thin slices of ginger (old-hard or fresh ginger) to this. Boil till you see the color and aroma of ginger released.
Turn off the heat. Let the ginger water cool down so that it is warm.
Next, dip a hand towel into this, let it soak in the water, then squeeze the cloth
Place this over the lower back area and press down with both your hand cupped over it. Repeat a few times.
Dessert: Complete this healing ritual with a nice warm cup of honey-lemon tea, to which a hint of mint is added for that energy boost. Fill a cup with warm water to which a mint leaf is added, add 1 tsp. pure honey and a drizzle of lemon. Make it two cups, and sip it together. Alternatively, wild ginger roots tea (krachai in thai) or warm chamomile tea would also have a distressing effect. Cheers!
The loving touch and presence of a loved one has its own unique healing effect. Your partner maybe too tired to make love, but indulging in such a healing ritual still allows time for togetherness, love and compassion at the end of the day.